


Wish You Were Here

by meiloslyther



Series: NaNoRyRo 2010 [26]
Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco, The Young Veins
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-26
Updated: 2010-11-26
Packaged: 2017-11-19 10:39:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/572371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meiloslyther/pseuds/meiloslyther
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything Ryan couldn't say…</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wish You Were Here

**Author's Note:**

> [](http://aholelabledlove.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://aholelabledlove.livejournal.com/)**aholelabledlove** 's idea. As I was writing this, I realized I'd never listened to G.I.N.A.S.F.S. before. /o\

_I've loved everything about you that hurts…_

 

I see the newest pictures of you and Brendon and I can't help but remember when it was just us. Just you and I in the basement of your house; you with the drum set your parents bought you for Christmas, me with the guitar my dad bought me. My dad wasn't even mad at me when I went straight to your house with that guitar after presents were opened.

I remember all those times I spent the night with you because I couldn't stand being around my dad, and sometimes when I didn't have anywhere else to go because he was in the hospital. Your parents were like my own, and I loved your sisters just as much as you, even when they annoyed the shit out of us. Your house was my home more than my own was.

You always said the band was mine, but it really wasn't. It was ours, no more or less mine than yours. It was our baby, something we loved and cherished more than each other.

And we did love each other, I know that now.

 

_Trade baby blues for wide-eyed browns…_

 

But I didn't at the time.

I wish you would have told me. I wish I would have known sooner.

I wish you would have told me that Brendon wasn't mine, and that he never would be. He didn't love me and I didn't love him, but I had hoped. I tried to make it work. I should have known how it would end.

And now our baby… The band… Well, I can't say it's mine at all now.

 

_Things aren't the same anymore,  
Some nights it gets so bad that I almost pick up the phone…_

 

Whenever Jon and I fight, I wish you were here. Whenever Jon and I are having a good time, I wish you were here. When I visit Brendon, I wish you were there. Whenever I drink coffee, or sit watching Jon cook for me, or curl up to watch tv, or go to bed alone once again…

I wish you were here.

 

_I sleep with your old shirts,  
And walk through this house in your shoes…_

 

I know it's sad, me sitting here wishing everything could be alright again when it was my fault in the first place. I just wish you would talk to me again so I could say I'm sorry, so I could tell you all the things I should have when we were just kids.

And if you're wondering what happened to your favorite brown button up and your ridiculous snakeskin boots that I said that I hated. Well, I'm sorry, I didn’t know how else to live without you. Your smell and your memory are the only things that get me by.

 

 _It's a strange way of saying that I know I'm supposed to love you_  
I'm supposed to love you.

***

My phone rings, and I don't even bother to check who it is. "Hello?"

"Hey, Ryan."

Whenever I hear your voice, I still can't breathe. "Spencer."

"Yeah, I just… wanted to say I'm sorry. I was mad and-"

"It's okay. I forgive you. I'm sorry too."

"…For what?"

"For everything, Spence. For everything."  



End file.
